wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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