She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
