Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
