when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
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I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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