We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
