i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
