Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
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What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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