I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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