I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
