she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
