did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
