did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize