The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
