Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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