i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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