I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
PANTIES FOUND
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