i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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