just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
