R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
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Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
they're like a gay fantastic four
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
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If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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