I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
