My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
