how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
