I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
