I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
