tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
