I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
try to milk me bitch
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
