hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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