After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Soap is not a condiment
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
