Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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