Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
