1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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