Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
