she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
