he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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