im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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