Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
