I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
