that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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