my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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