I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
