I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Drake has all the answers
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
