Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
