Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Duck Duck Cougar?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
