Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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