Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
