He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
