I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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