Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just gargled with NyQuil
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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