Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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