We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize