i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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