Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I looked at my own cervix.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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