I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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