I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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