I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize