The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
