they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize