and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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