I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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