you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
