Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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