in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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