Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
