One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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