So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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