sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
