Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
