The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
